About Me

Life Track

For a Restart, I feel like ‘History’. My place in the Schema of Worldly Life; either Forgotten or remain in some ‘Memories’. ‘Achievements’ fade. When event linked memories are recalled by persons, fragments of my puzzled life are recounted, distorted, represented, or discounted. And I wonder, “In our Life tracks, does our ‘Past’ have influence on the ‘Present’ or ‘Future“! Do these Time periods (Kaala Khand) add up as part of One Time Line? Does it matter to look back (Hindsight), look in (Insight) or look On (Foresight)?

INFANCY – Trust Versus MisTrust

Inlook: Beyond the bliss of ‘In-fancy’; in a cradle of comfort and affections, I sensed the novelty of bodily senses; the abilities of what my new physical organs can do. Exploring the ‘Sense-Abilities‘ needed the Touch and Feel of the Provider (Mother Instincts). Hunger and Satiety were the essential Need. My Psyche experienced Contradictions of ‘Pain’ and ‘Pleasure’. Contradictions bring into ‘Awareness’, sense of ‘Duality’. Duality means change of experience along a spectrum, between two poles. Changing Sensations from Pleasure to Pain and Pain to Pleasure lay down initial images in my Memory Bank, of two extreme possibilities. Black and White. Mind and Brain experienced this swing of ‘Bipolar‘ state. Anticipation of this change (anxiety) and inability to determine this shift in experience lays down ‘Perception’ of ‘Threat’. The Threat Perception drives the Mind and Body towards achieving Control of the Duality. Dual nature of Life causes the Pendular, Control Versus Decontrol Experience.

Outlook: Mother was God, as she provided for Hunger and soothed the Threat. In-fancy proceeded with ‘Attachment Bond’, an external assurance of Security. Did the Psyche assimilate and regulate an internal bag of Insecurities and Anxieties? Did the Memory register the feelings of Trust versus Mistrust? Mistrust, when Mother’s Instincts or Presence fell short of Need?

Core-Relation: Trust versus Mistrust Identification. Persona formation through Psyche-Social Interface.

TODDLING – Autonomy Versus Shame

Inlook: Toddling was exploring and expanding sense of Pose-Abilities; of what I can do out of the Cradle (Movements, Voice, Action=Reaction sequence) with Toys, Nurturers or Parents. Curiosity explores. Imitation and Mirroring of behaviors are accomplishments. Validation and appreciation bring up sense of ‘Acceptance’. Rehearsal and Repetition leads the Sense of Familiarity and Predictability. For the parents, the home is a small world, for the toddler the family ecosystem is a big expanded world. 

Toddling proceeded. Soothers and Pacifiers were hidden or discontinued by Provider. Old feeds replaced by new foods. Loss is a sense of what was ‘Me’ or ‘Mine’. Past overhangs. Transitions are not simple. The perception of ‘New’ is associated with the loss of something from the ‘Previous’. Anticipation of Loss (anxiety) and inability to tolerate the missing ‘me’ or ‘mine’ lays the building blocks for the Perception of ‘Death’. The Psyche experiences this as ‘Depersonalization’ and ‘Derealization’. Attachment bonds seems a source of external Insecurity. Clinging increases. Apprehension of Loss builds up. Fears amplify. 

Outlook: Nurturer is God, carries me, feeds me, accepts me, soothes me, compensates loss, allays fears, mirrors me and becomes me (twin ship). This Alter-Ego provides for a sense of continuity, when I lose the sense of me. Does the Psyche assimilate the feelings of Safety and Stability? Did the Memory register the feelings of ‘Me’ versus ‘Mine’? Shame when mine (Nurturers) did not resonate and fill up the gaps in ‘Me’? 

Co-Relation: Autonomy versus Shame Identification. Persona formation through Psyche-Social Interface.

CHILDHOOD- Initiative Versus Self-Doubt

Inlook: Childhood was experiencing and exploration of Curiosity beyond family and home. Mind surfs for “Who is it?” Visitors and things outside are perceived as objects. ‘Me’ and ‘It (Other)’. Another Duality! Awareness of Me versus It; Me and them not being the same or similar sows the seeds of “Who is better?” equation. Antagonism such as sibling rivalry or one parent being a rival to my ‘Idealized’ parent surfaces. Attachment bonds are entitlement to possession. Competitive drive to seek out or Inhibition and Resignation from seeking, sense of whining or hiding to avoid anger expressions and rejection from ‘big daddy’ or big mommy’ or ‘big brother’. Tweens start sensing the Power differentials between Me and Him / Her. Duality of Big’ and ‘Small’ lays the building blocks for the Perception of my Importance’ (Value’ versus ‘Worth’). Self-Image is sought in the eyes of the Nurturer. Demand-supply gap in Empathy from nurturer is challenged, resented, or reconciled. ‘Me’ sense feels shaky or confused or strong. This results in the Drive for Independence versus Pseudo-Independence.

Instincts: ‘Thanatos’ and ‘Eros’; the impulsive feelings of the Mind, participates in ‘Uncreating’ and ‘Creating’ Imaginations and Re-presentations from ‘Self ‘, ‘Me’, ‘Other’ or Mixed realities of these are called Self Image. This core Duality of Awareness and sense of inadequacies lays the building blocks for the Perception of Self Initiative versus Guilt.  The overhang of the Toddler past can make this Duality easier to experience or worse. Making and Dissolving, Doing and Undoing are acts of Creating and Destroying. The essence of Creative Instincts.

 Early and Late Childhood years were experience of paradoxes of emotions. Pleasure and Pain, Joy and Sadness, Happiness and Anger, Hope and Despair were frequent visitors. Sometimes, they were avoidable company. Anger was Aversion churning up detachment and seeking a space of Emotional Neutrality.

Outlook: A good boy tag was certificate of content for everyone. Conformity to parents and teachers was enough! Parents seemed God like (not God anymore); twin ship goes through periodic ruptures. Break up and make up with authority figures and sibling based on rules of conduct in family and society becomes part of Moral science talk. Did the Psyche assimilate the sense of Self Identity, Self-Worth, Individuality? Did the Memory register the Nature of attachments as being good enough temporary platforms but not an eternal base? Did the Mind accept Dualities as the dynamic state of Humane World? Did the Brain & Body learn Competence, Effort and Initiatives to drive Value, Independence and Productivity of ‘I’?

Co-Relation: Initiative versus Self-Doubt Identification. Persona formation through Psyche-Social Interface.

PRE-ADOLESCENCE – Industry Versus Inferiority

INLOOK: Tween and Teen (Pre-adolescence) brings in expectations and accountability pressures. In dealing with situations of ‘Who is Right‘ and ‘Who is wrong‘, and to emerge from whirlpool of feelings and ideologies, the leading cognition was ‘Life is my Journey’. ‘Visitors will come and go’. Was this a naïve attempt at being an Observer (being detached), or rationalization (to stay unattached) or readiness (keep calm and move on) to assimilate unknown experiences. I wondered! But Adolescence Proceeded.

Peer group of friends and acquaintances, extended family, and cousins form part of the expanded World. Parents become alert. Parental Alert based on their database of how many things could go wrong with adolescent life, sometimes based on their own hindsight on what went wrong with their past. Parenting turns challenging and their attempts to filter, put blinkers and keep me focused on School outcomes turned priority. The journey through expected, unexpected, unwanted, and aversive experience posed queries, demanding solutions. At times it collapsed my hopes and yet it expanded my horizons of conscious knowledge. Likes and Dislikes were the parameters of CHOICE. Confusion was my intermittent bedfellow. I was exhorted to develop an ‘Intent‘. What was seen of me was FUSS.!

OUTLOOK: It seemed like existing in parallel worlds. Multiple ecosystems – Familial, School friends, Neighborhood friends, Sports friends, social media friends. Somewhere in these groups finding affiliations or identifying with Best friends. Social diversity and competitive adversity, opportune transactions (over toys, books, cakes, games), yet a herd mindset and sense of collectivism were good experiences.

Parental interactions acquired another layer; applying terms and conditions. If you study…? If you score.? Of Course, they were managerial and compliance tactics to enable me towards a Best College, Best Career, Best Future etc. Goal settings and Behavioral Regulations but no own means. Pangs of Obligation and Loyalty towards parents versus Breaking Free creates ripples of Guilt.

Parents are powerful Humans. Respectable but I did not want them to be Gods. Constraints needed to be loosened and sense of ‘Me’, sought freedom from the context of Parental Nest.

GROWTH: Did my Psyche assimilate the Courage, Clarity and Purpose to Individuate and Self Actualize? Did the Memories reconcile, gather, and coalesce the dualities into one Unified or consolidated database of functional Perceptions of the World? Did my Mind have the Resilience to adapt to the uncertainties, surprises and anxieties of my Choices and the Consequences? Did the Body have the strength to strive beyond limitations to fulfil multiple Roles of Miniature Adult?

Co-Relation: Industry Versus Inferiority; Persona formation through Psyche-Social Interface.

ADOLESCENCE- Identity Versus Role Confusion

INLOOK: Youth (Adolescence) ambushed me with multiple strikes. “What’s your plan? Which College? What Profession? Which Country? Why versus Why not? Look at that Cousin’s Future. Who will marry you?  I figured that ‘I‘ have been well polished by the family, society, educational establishments and am supposed to fly off the ‘Nest‘, into the World of Identifications. Aspire, look at the Icons and Ivy Leagues. Hesitancy, complacency, comfort zones of the Nest seem to hold, tag and pull back motivations to Individuate. Parental Attachments tug while desires to explore Life with Freedom Taunts the Imaginations of the Mind. Parental expectations mismatched with my fancies and ideas of exploring Life. Little did I realize at the beginning of this phase, that ‘I‘ was just one share (IPO) which was entering the Human Stock Market called ‘We – the Human Capital’.

OUTLOOK: Youth Proceeded and sometimes Conceded through the Identifications: Professional, Societal, Familial, Geographical. Identifications brought more Roles, more labels of Success and increased Brand Value. More motivations, more desires, and the illusion that my graph is going up and higher. The audience claps and bets on you to reinforce your belief (illusory or factual) that external valuation and validation is indeed the better measure of success and future options. Competition and Competitiveness was the hallmark and my Bedtime pill was ‘Comparisons‘. Experts (includes Parents), bosses (includes Parents) and seniors told me; ‘I‘ was doing as well as they did! You have got great potential. Being envied and raising others envy is okay!

Parents are Omnipotent Travellers. They have experiential wisdom since they have supposedly seen much, learnt much and aware of much. Parental Bond seemed like Bondage. Rebelliousness, active or passive aggressive, overt or covert, was all over the Mind. Rebellion took different shapes and plots; Quit, Give up, Shut up, Run, Elope or Compromise by accepting that Obedience is better, though it is a Life in the Cage of Love.

I‘ plodded to meet many external standards. Ratings were maintained high. Little did I realize that ‘I‘ was a stock for ‘Futures – Options trading.’

GROWTH: Did my Psyche have the Conviction of Who I am (Individuality)? Was my sense of Individuality rooted in my Self Identity (INtroversion)? When the Face value of ‘I’ was not good enough or rejected by Social Market trends, did ‘I’ uproot from Self Identity and remarry Social Identification as the primary partner (EXtroversion)? Did this manifest as Adolescent Psychological Crisis? Did I have the resilience to navigate through this crisis of Personal Identity versus Social Transformation? Did this Conflict resolve or did ‘I‘ accept the Compromise formation in my Persona? Did my Persona Expand into Cohesive Identity or did I Compartmentalize my Persona to shrink into a Bunch of Role playing actors, Imitators and Cheerleaders?

Life continues to amaze at the same time feels like a maze.

Co-Relation: Identity versus Role Confusion; Persona formation through Psyche-Social Interface.

YOUNG ADULT- Intimacy Versus Isolation

INLOOK: Middle Youth: Innocence of early youth starts wearing off. I realized that my ‘Self Worth’ or Intrinsic Worth was of least importance to Society, compared to the ‘World Worth’. I wondered how elders, peers and guides and Guru’s have managed this ‘Conflicts of Interest‘. How do I strike a balance? Envy became a friend in disguise. It brought adversaries and adversities in various forms. If the caring family and friends could not profiteer, they tried to bring my market value down. Some ingenious adversaries posed as victims to re-brand this ‘I’ as predatory. The ‘Seniors‘ wanted to maintain their ‘Edge‘. The Establishments, whether individual or collective, defends its own need to maintain supremacy and authority. You are not allowed to surpass any Legion. ‘I‘ wondered if Merit matters!  Is my Toil, worth the Soil? Do I Love my Self (Self Intimacy) or the Society (Personal Proximity)? Which Isolation do I accept (Self or Social) ? How do ‘I’ Live (Ideal or Practical)? Love is a strong emotion that seeks to express through the Persona, fulfills the Persona, Strengthens the Self Esteem and Self Worth and Unites the Personality. Love Binds. Love sought Acceptance and Passion in Romantic Relations, Work, Family and Belonging in the Social and Occupational Settings.

OUTLOOK: The Shearing forces of Human Society’s Dual Expectations Split (Di-Verse) my Psyche into Good Self – Bad Self. Consequently, United Persona, inherits this Mutation and forms Dual Persona and Personality. Further fragmentation of Persona and Behaviors (Multiple Personality) broke my Self Identity into small Roles in the Social Ecosystem. Self Reliance became a Myth. Frustration made me try harder, to improve and invest more in relationships. More patience and tolerance to embrace faults and imperfections in my Persona and Others and Systems. Disillusionment made the Search for Love and Intimacy with people, Work, Systems and Society most essential to the Existential Journey. Accepting people and systems which were less than Ideal were upsetting, with experience of Sadness and Despair. In such phases, TIME brought in wonderful strangers to keep and boost my HOPES.

Late Youth: Power Differentials exist eternally. They are omnipresent reality, whether within family systems, interpersonal relationships, vocations, communities, societies, Guides, Guru’s, leaders etc. Negotiations, trade, bargains, merger of Interests, Compromise formations, selective ignorance, biases, prejudices led to the experience of ‘Game of Thrones‘. Alliance of Conveniences occurred. Defections and Deceptions of friendly coalitions were a reality. ‘I‘ as a stock was warned not to exit ‘We -the Human Stock Exchange‘, because ‘I’ had many people’s self esteem, investments, hopes and futures supposedly linked to it. Whether these expectations were based on their ‘Need‘ or ‘Greed‘ ? I wondered! Whether ‘I‘ was slipping into the Path of ‘Duty‘ or ‘Convenience‘, I pondered.

GROWTH: Did my Psyche learn the difference between ‘Self Worth’ and ‘World Worth’? Did my Self hold the Identity and Personality together, when Adversity and Angst threatened Inner Composure? Could my Persona keep the Balance between Self Love and Social Rejections? Could my Love win over the Justifications for Hate? Does Reason and Emotions Di-Vorce to Isolate within, or they Reconcile to continue with a Sense of Integrity?

Co-Relation: Intimacy versus Isolation: Persona Formation through Psyche-Social Interface.

MIDDLE ADULTHOOD – Generativity Versus Stagnation

INLOOK: Adulthood: Knowledge is Power. Knowledge brings Respect. Knowledge leads Generativity, Creativity and Purpose to Life. Earlier life and accomplishments are credibility of your Spirit. I thought these ‘Wisdom‘ phrases passed on rhetorically may still hold good. Self Esteem, in my view was a product of Merit and Efficiency. Self Esteem, now in this phase of Life seemed to be co-linked with Self Pride. Many times, Esteem and Pride confuse each other like Siblings. Self Esteem was the product of Autistic (Introversion) origins of Psyche. Pride was the product of Acquired Identifications and accomplishments of my Persona. Sense of Esteem and Pride within, Mix-Muddle-Rival periodically. Superego Instincts were stretched and drained in the process of Search for Wisdom. The visit to my own Sanctum of Wisdom (Insistential Journey) involved the reappearance and face up with my ‘Fossils in the Mind.Contradictions between the Ideals and Practical matters became Stark. My Perspective showed in its Mirror, One Truth. SELF DISTANCING.

What I set out to be and what I was becoming did not Resonate.

Cognitive Dissonance Proceeded. Internal Dilemmas woke up to choke the Intellect and Mind. Inner Conflicts questioned my Direction of Fit! Does my Psyche Fit with my sense of Self or sense of Society? Is there a Middle ground to Wed the Universal Design and Present World Order.!

OUTLOOK: ‘I‘ exited the earlier cage of ‘Identifications‘, ‘Establishments’, ‘Evidence’ based initiatives, ‘Validation’ based success evaluation of my Self. Self Worth rather than World worth became the basis for Entrepreneurial shift. Loaded with Ideologies, Perceptions, Perspectives, Nostalgia and Dreams that are based on ‘Inspiration’ rather than ‘Aspirations’, I had the Intent for a philanthropic phrase called ‘Common Good‘ or ‘Collective Good‘. I thought I was successful enough to emulate those role models, ‘I’ had ‘Idealized’ or ‘Internalized’.

I believed, I finally had ‘Clarity’, ‘Seniority’, ‘Humility’, ‘Intent’ and ‘Purpose’; all the Fundamentals which convey a sense of Inner Self Identity and a quest to manifest it into External Identity. Actualizing the sense of Being to a sense of Becoming! In the Establishments that control, dictate and regulate WE- The HSE.(Human Stock Exchange)

GROWTH: Does the Psyche have its Bandwidth of how much It can experience and accommodate? Is my Psyche capable of assimilating all types of experiences? Do we accumulate experiences, which contradict the essential nature (DNA) of Self? Do the Antagonistic Fit of Persona or Psyche Corrupt and Split the Integral Nature of Self? Given the Current Bipolar state of association between the Universal Nature and the Worldly Attributes, is a Dual Fit and Weddings of Conveniences possible to sustain? OR is it Time to Choose our Original Direction of Fit? Can ‘I’ Breathe Free to Live Free and Generate Freely from the shackles of Establishments?

Co-Relation: Generativity versus Role Stagnation; Persona formation through Psyche-Social Interface.

LATE ADULTHOOD – Integrity versus Despair

INLOOK: Late Adulthood: ‘I‘ was sure, I am ready for the transition from ‘World worth‘ to ‘Self Worth.’ I had served my time in the World of Trade. Well, I had heard, Illusions are meant to be broken. All ‘my sure’ things collapsed. All that I presumed and relied on as ‘Dependable’ defected. My security cover was blown off. The World spoke to me as if, without the ‘Market worth’, ‘I‘ count for nothing. Mid Life Crisis descended, in full gloom and doom, angst of a lifetime cried out for ‘Credence‘. ‘Integrity and Despair were the twin companions during the nightly sojourns. The days came calling but the dawns and the dusks hardly seemed distinct within me. ‘I’ saw in the Mirrors of the World, A shattered image of my Self. Within my Self Mirror, ‘I’ saw the disintegrated Assimilation of my Experiences of the World. ‘I’ was not a part of the ‘WE‘ (World of Experience) anymore. The World did not belong to ‘US‘ (Utopian Self). The Persona and then my Psyche seemed to me, a melting pot. Sometimes, Imagery of Harry Potter like Potential Innocence and at other times Gollum the weird recluse frequented my Mind and its Elements. Love and Disgust played ‘I’ Tunes, within me. Inside-0ut (Psyche-> Social Fit) or Outside-In (Social-> Psyche Fit) confused my Mind and Its Assets.

Stage of Retrospection…What have I achieved? What have I not?

OUTLOOK: ‘I’ was racked with Failure. I was a ‘Human of Science’. I took recourse to Knowledge, to shore my Self. I wanted ‘My Life‘ back, restored. Desperation and disillusionment usually drives us to turn back (Regression), as a means to salvaging our losses and staving off our Insecurities. Knowledge is based on Past experience. Learning and Conditioning stems from our Past. ‘I‘ figured, Knowledge is Containing me. Cognizance, Re-cognition helped me retreat and restore me from fragmenting Health of Intellect, Mind and Body. Compensatory and Substitute Behaviors connected me to Society and Environment, temporarily and mechanically. ‘I’ Ghosted like Casper, the friendly one. Each year passed on as if a decade. Requesting the Universe to Intervene and Guide.! ‘I’ re-quested an End of the Existential Journey and return to where it all Began-The Womb of Consciousness.

GROWTH: But Could ‘I’ Heal ? How to Heal? How to outgrow the Duality of Love and Disgust within? How do we start all over with Innocence? How do we Trust, without Mistrust? How do we give up the Gallery of Images in our Mind, which was never ours, when we started? Do we Love our Illusions which make us Ill? What should ‘I’ do to soar beyond my Illusions, and sync with my Creator’s Instincts Again.? How do ‘I’ Grow to Outgrow? Where does my Self meet my Governor of Destiny !!!

Co-Relation: Integrity versus Despair; Persona formation through Psyche-Social Interface.

OLD AGE – Maturity versus Disintegration

INLOOK: Old Adult or Young Elder? I was not sure. Past of a Life time behind me. Life reviews to consider the worth of my past was over. Audit of Accounts of Self Integrity and Self Despair were Chartered. Love and Disgust of people, experiences and existential systems converted into Wisdom. Prospects of my offspring (children) and empathy for them lay ahead of me. ‘I‘ Presumed and Proffered Wisdom as the asset to help and aid others navigate their Existential Options, Choices and Journeys. Helping people ease or resolve their Mess in Life made me experience a sense of Worth within and a sense of Value for Society. Instead of Monetizing my Maturity gains, Capitalizing on vulnerability of Children’s or Society’s Mess, my Self extended a Samaritan approach and form into the Persona. It felt Self Exalting to not be Self Centered. Intellect and Mind felt free and unbound to the previous compulsions of Childhood, Adolescence and Adulthood Roles, Responsibilities and Compromises on Persona. Awareness of New Beginnings of Self brought Inner Hope of Psyche towards Social Contributions and positive value based Impact. Self Ideals rose again to actualize into the Persona. Initially Ideals tended to overcompensate for the past failures, leading to the Narcissistic Glow. As the acquired Identifications of Body, Mind and Intellect withers away, sense of Autonomy decreases and safety of dependence returns. Childhood vulnerabilities resurface, and our Psyche re-encounters the fears and the facts, the Mind overcame. In this period, our Psyche seeks the Truth that lies beyond the scope of Intellect, Mind and Body. Termed Gerotranscendence, elderly can transcend the limitations of Society and the material world. The process involves the redefinition of Self and relationships to others and a new understanding of fundamental existential questions.

OUTLOOK: ‘I’ mustered a ‘Few Charya’. Charya means movements. Fundamental or Basic essential sense of Life. Health Issues were intermittent concern. But improved and stabilized with Self discipline and vigor. Worked like an Intern again, mastering the Life of an Elderly in a ‘Reset and Restart‘ mode. Mind and Body became more agile with Purpose and Goal settings. What was missing is the young Mind and Body’s capacity or bandwidth to handle abuse, non-discretions and fake experimentations. Maturity and Age carries the knowledge of Forbidden attitudes and approaches to Life. Life picked up pace and family, past friends and acquaintances connected with the Old man’s aspirations. They supported in their ways and expected help and guidance in their own ways. Wisdom helped in cutting through the clutter and rhetoric of usual Life. Wisdom helped me float above the fishnets of prejudices, biases and false perceptions. Wisdom had helped me forgive the past hurts and bitterness of Human Experience. Compassion connected. As a Counselor, Therapist, Psychiatrist, Medical Doctor, Spiritual Mentor, Father, Partner, Son, Student, Disciple, Friend etc. the Roles and the experiences through them, consolidated into a sense of Omnipotence and Clarity. Service and touching peoples inner life in a constructive way was Self Soothing and Comforting.

Unconditional Beneficence felt like Love. ‘I’ felt like a Messiah. This fleeting realization ended with the expectations to see the beneficiaries and children committing to grow and mature. And learn to not repeat the tendency to mess. With unconscious expectation of Gratitude, returned my sense of Despair. With expectations of outcomes, returned the frustrations of a Mentor and Guide. When former victims upon empowerment, turned predators or knowledge and opportunities provided were used for exploitation of others, instead of Self Growth, healing seemed meaningless. I got reminded of a book by Richard Bach, ‘Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah’. Every one of us has a Little Messiah trait within us, which gives rise to the Omnipotent longings to sort the Mess. Unfortunately, we apply this less for our Self Learn and Growth and adventure to experiment more towards others and Society.!

My Health deteriorated with the frustrations, inner conflict, despair, demotivation’s and disillusionments as is experienced by Selfless Guides and Healers. Attention turned inwards to the processes of Death. ‘I’ did not have the luxury of ‘Retrospective despair over Life’ again. Acceptance of Life “as it has been” and “as it is” and “as it will be” lead to unattachments and psyche-social distancing. Life senses returned to Basic Self Care, Self Trust, Self Peace and Ease of Living. Realizing, ‘I’ should not enter the space between Universal Sense and Individual Senses. ‘I’ is merely a record or log of my personal journey. It contributed to my Ego Maturity and a scrapbook of my Existential Journey. Death meant, my Individual Time was expiring. My Time for Experiments with Truth and Untruth was over. Whether I can mitigate, alter or avoid the course of Reverse Aging or Dementia, ‘I’ was concerned.

Co-Relation: Self Identity versus Ego Identity, a reversing spiral; Personality Formation and Dissolution through Psyche-social Interface.

Miracle happened. Just when I was not in ‘my Control’ mode, when ‘I’ was not obsessed with restoring my former place in the world, nor restoring the world according to my own past conceptions, a faint voice from within stated, “Your Persona is a means of ‘Existence’ in the World and your ‘Experiences’ are an Alternate Reality. Caught up in the web of external Realities of the World, Truth becomes a casualty. Will the Truth shine, through the myth of Illusory reality states.”

I‘ am healed. I have a Future Verse and a Future Track. ‘I’ received and realized Compassion, Gratitude and Grace. Being Smart is good, but when Out-smarted, do we look out, resort to our old outlooks or do we look Inward for that Core ‘Imperience.’ I wonder! But, for a Person who dwells on the fringes of Awareness, there are more Questions…or better stated, more Unknowns. I did not settle for Security. I Implored and Explored Life…….And the Journey continues….


6 thoughts on “About Me

  1. The good writeup at the outset sets one to ponder and such reflection through recollection can enrich and enable us to draw inferences, which can become the lab of learning for the future life times. Hindsight ,Insight and Foresight could become the food for thoughts and to pen sequentially for more light and also addition to” Collective Consciousness” . Well done Dr Rajesh. Kudos to you.

  2. This is wonderful.. takes us through our life journey. I can relate to this – as a parent and as an individual too.

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